CS #715 - Humor

[Mike Buckley]

I'm a sloppy eater

What do you do to keep food out of your beard?

 

[Palouse]

What do you do to keep food out of your beard?

Nothing! Beards trap emergency eats

 

[Mike Buckley]

For all you folks who take great pride in your ability to photograph a bird in flight, how many of you can walk precisely underneath a bird in flight at precisely the right time to have your clothes adorned by its feces? While I was walking toward the curbside pickup of my wine (what else?) today, I felt something hit the upper part of my chest. Ya gotta admit that the colors complement the shirt's colors.

My wife took the photo while I was modeling the shirt and I post-processed the image.

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[Palouse]

Can't take you anywhere—you break things and get messy in no time!
In some cultures it is consider a lucky omen.

 

[Mike Buckley]

Can't take you anywhere—you break things and get messy in no time!

Now you understand why I rarely eat in restaurants: they won't let me in!

 

[West]

Our Mayor has been sounding the alarm over funding shortfalls created by Covid-19. The other day, it came out in the news that City Hall has spend $317,000 on new chairs.
“I can assure folks that going forward… our focus will be square on making sure that all necessary funds are spent on tackling COVID and getting us all back on track.”

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[Palouse]

Chairs are important in these times of Covid—one spends so much time in them

 

[Mike Buckley]

Chairs are important in these times of Covid—one spends so much time in them

Though my wife has an administrative position, she was walking about 2000 steps each day at the office going to peoples' offices, conference rooms and the like. Now that she is working at home, she barely gets in any steps. So, she has been taking breaks to use a portable stepper machine. Last week she got out our old stand designed to hold a slide projector while presenting slideshows, extended its legs, and she uses it as a standing desk to mitigate the effects of her sedentary work style while at home.

 

[Hylander]

Things aren't too funny with Greg right now. He is having a lot of trouble with his hip and I feel so bad for him. He had both knees replaced three years ago and his recovery was tough because his body makes too much scar tissue.

I've had both knees replaced, a week apart. I know what that's like. A month in rehab, two weeks in a nursing home, and six months of grueling physical therapy. Recovery, such as it was, was not funny for me, either.

After the second operation, they got me up to my bed, the bed started shaking, the walls started shaking, the nurses ran out into the corridor. This was 8/23/2011. There was an earthquake in Virginia, felt in the hospital in DC. I had visions of trying to claw my way out of the rubble with catheters stuck in me.

And while I was in the hospital, a tree fell on my roof during a hurricane. I didn't get back into my house until the new year.

And I'm beginning to feel some hip arthritis, too.

But this is more relevant to the thread.

Mount Vernon Avenue in the Del Ray neighborhood of Alexandria, VA.

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[Kry27]

Just finished upgrading to iOS 14 on my iPhone. Was quick and problem free, as always. But what made my day was this:

1. New weather Ap now gives you the option to see weather on a map. Yippie! NOTE: I live in Moscow, Idaho, USA!

View attachment 1670258

2. I press "Weather for Moscow. Open in Maps" and here we are . . .

View attachment 1670259

5200 miles away in Moscow, Russia. Howdy Comrade! Где ближайший магазин фотоаппаратов?**


** Where is the closest camera store? Gde blizhayshiy magazin fotoapparatov?

This is so apple... er... software company:
"That is YOUR fault then, our software is right! Why do you life in Moscow? Why? Who lives there, anyway? Do you even WANT to life there? Why not move to the - THE, our known - Moscow? Come on, get a proper, supported home town...
Ah and BTW, we sell a moving assistance service to Xuxulutapopolutoku, which at least exists only once so your Weather will always be spot on. And your relatives will find you easier than in your Moscow anyway..."

 

[Terri French]

I've had both knees replaced, a week apart. I know what that's like. A month in rehab, two weeks in a nursing home, and six months of grueling physical therapy. Recovery, such as it was, was not funny for me, either.

After the second operation, they got me up to my bed, the bed started shaking, the walls started shaking, the nurses ran out into the corridor. This was 8/23/2011. There was an earthquake in Virginia, felt in the hospital in DC. I had visions of trying to claw my way out of the rubble with catheters stuck in me.

And while I was in the hospital, a tree fell on my roof during a hurricane. I didn't get back into my house until the new year.

And I'm beginning to feel some hip arthritis, too.

But this is more relevant to the thread.

Mount Vernon Avenue in the Del Ray neighborhood of Alexandria, VA.
View attachment 1670300

Sounds like your knee replacement surgery was brutal as well. Hope it is going well for you now. Glad you were able to end your post with a humorous photo!!

 

[Bohdan]

For all you folks who take great pride in your ability to photograph a bird in flight, how many of you can walk precisely underneath a bird in flight at precisely the right time to have your clothes adorned by its feces? While I was walking toward the curbside pickup of my wine (what else?) today, I felt something hit the upper part of my chest. Ya gotta admit that the colors complement the shirt's colors.

My wife took the photo while I was modeling the shirt and I post-processed the image.

View attachment 1670286

After an experience like this the lyrics of a song come to mind. "I guano go home...."

 

[Mike Buckley]

I just now remembered a tee shirt my mother gave me decades ago. If I still had it, I would photograph it for this thread. We were together when a bird dropped its stuff on me through the open window of a moving car, which we both thought would be impossible. My Christmas present from her later that year was a tee shirt with about nine depictions of bird crap created in the style of each famous artist (one by Picasso, one by Dali, etc., etc.).

That in turn reminds me of an idea for those of you who are having trouble thinking of humorous subjects to photograph: Get out your Ugly Christmas Sweater and photograph it!

 

[West]

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[Mike Buckley]

Maybe it should be "I'm going to drink until I think I'm somewhere else."

 

[West]

Maybe it should be "I'm going to drink until I think I'm somewhere else."

The phrase can't work with that word in it

 

[Mike Buckley]

The phrase can't work with that word in it

When you have the ability to make such an excellent point, that in itself proves that you're not drinking enough.

 

[catalyst]

By strategically placing these dumbbells in front of the TV, it might appear that I'm not simply sitting on my butt for three hours watching college football.

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[West]

Looking fit Eric ?

 

[Mike Buckley]

By strategically placing these dumbbells in front of the TV

You won't convince me until you take a photo of the dumbbells placed on the scale displaying their weight. Otherwise, they're just very cool props.