New life chapter

[midocr]

All of you don't really know me because I'm fairly new here and haven't posted that much. I feel like I kinda know some of you through reading your posts and seeing the photos you share. I just need to vent and need some advice.

I divorced about 4 years ago. Two years ago, I ran into an old girlfriend of mine from high school. We had "hooked up", so to speak, a couple times since school. Every time, everything seemed great for a while, then it wasn't, so we split. This time, we were together for 2 years and finally things just weren't working. After our separation this time, I had some time to really think things through for a couple months and figured out that she was the one I truly wanted to share the rest of my life with, no matter what it took. She had other ideas. She had already met someone else and was engaged a couple weeks later. This is just killing me.

I know it's over, but that doesn't help. I feel this desperate need to move on and find new companionship. I'm in my late 40s and have no idea how or where to go to go about meeting new people. There is a sports bar downtown that I frequent on occasion, but can't see me getting serious with any of the women I've seen and met there. Everyone tells me I'm a great guy and shouldn't have any problem finding someone, but I am fairly reserved and don't warm up to people quickly. How do I find someone to share my life with at this point in my life? Where do you go? What do you do?

 

[watsonD50]

Mike

I have several friends (most in their mid 30s to mid 40s) going through the same thing. I would avoid 'bars' at all costs, I just don't think this is a good place to meet people. I would however think about joining a photography club (or some other group with like minded interests), maybe take a night class at a local college once a week in something that interests you - in other words you need to expand your opportunities to meet new people.

 

[soxOZ]

Hi Mike...
First off, anyone who has a dog as their avatar must be a real nice guy....:smile:

I agree with Daniel, bars are not the place to go to meet, but try and find an interest group to take part of,
take your dog for long walks as this seems to be a conversation starter, go to the supermarket, everyone has to eat......
But the thing is, don't sit at home as your future partner won't come knocking on your door..
Not unless you get 6 numbers in Lotto, and then you wouldn't want those to come knocking... LOL...

 

[Mart61]

This is a tricky one but I concurr with many of the replies. Get out there, make the opportunities and trust me, love will find you.

One word of caution - don't try too hard. Most of the relationships that seem to last the test of time are those that hit you when you least expect it. The harder you go looking for love, the less you're likely to find it. Often the person you meet and fall in love with, and they with you, are those you would never have thought you would share a bond with.

My final advice - don't be too picky. Take the other person as they are, not as you want them to be. Accept any faults they may have and expect them to do the same for you. Don't go out with any pre-conceived ideas (or a shopping list) of things you would like in a partner. Love is special. Love cannot be analysed. Or categorised.

Sorry - I've begun to preach but hey, that's me...

 

[midocr]

Thanks for the responses so far. It's great to be able to borrow a friendly ear (or computer screen). I had actually signed up for some photography classes before all this took place. The classes start next month and I'm really looking forward to them. I've just be out of the singles, dating scene for 25 years or more. Don't have a clue what to expect.

 

[Mart61]

A final, final word. And perhaps the most important.

Just be yourself!

 

[LDB415]

Find a good church and get involved. You're more likely to find someone with long term potential there than at a bar. If nothing else you'll make new friends and have a place to go that provides even more than this computer screen. Most importantly, take your time. You've got decades of life left. I like dumb analogies so here's one.

If you meet someone you shouldn't even think about being "serious" until a "good" year has passed. Compare this to college. College is about preparing for the remainder of your life. A lot of folks walk onto campus thinking they know what they want. The first year is english, history, math etc. that's required but has little to do with the main event. The first year of dating should be fun and light hearted, basic getting to know each other. The second year is more of the same plus some with a little exploratory courses in the area of major that seems to be calling. At the beginning of the third year the major (engagement) is declared. The next 2 years are the serious work to get to graduation and then spend the lifetime those years prepared for.

Inappropriate comment removed by moderators.

Good luck.

 

[TOLady]

From a fellow 'young at heart' single person:

Keep your teeth brushed, your hair combed and your shoes shined. Keep a smile on your face, and look at each and every day as a possibility. As mentioned, don't 'go looking'. Someone will find you as long as you're out there. The teeth, hair and shoes will show that you respect yourself and can take care of yourself. Most women don't want to take on a slob - too much work. A sunny disposition is the key. You might be shy, so even if you don't feel comfortable starting a conversation, at least return a smile. It might be in the dairy section of your grocery store, it might be while pumping gas, it might be while on a photography outing.

Some have mentioned joining a photography group. I don't know about that one..... if she likes you, and she shoots Nikon, she just might get her mitts on your lenses!!! LMAO I only date Canon guys from now on! :smile: It keeps my 70-200VR safe.

Hey Mike, do ya know the definition of "sherpa"??????? :biggrin:

 

[midocr]

Hey Mike, do ya know the definition of "sherpa"??????? :biggrin:

Ah...no?

 

[Candidcameraman]

To answer your question

To simply answer your question...

you go to www.plentyoffish.com I have a few friends (2) who met their significant other online on that very site which is incidentally free ... So you meet people online who share the same passion why not on an online dating site... In this day and age, it is okay to give it a try.

No need to thank me it is all part of a public service announcement I freely provide, good luck in your search - I met my significant other through work by the way.

 

[watsonD50]

take your dog for long walks as this seems to be a conversation starter

could not agree more, my wife and I take out dog to a dog bark, tons of women walking their dogs, didn't see any rings - but don't let my wife know I was looking :tongue:

 

[greyflash]

Church, schools, volunteer organizations, camera clubs, to name a few. Let your friends, neighbors and relatives know that you are interested in dating and they will help to fix you up with some prospects. Don't appear too anxious as this turns many potential partners off.

 

[Chris101]

Don't write off the internet as a source for interesting people either (but be ready for more than your share of disappointments!)

 

[Seneca]

As a woman answering this thread...I say don't do anything right now. I was once in your position and it seemed like all the guys I met were "Jerks". I was tired of dating "Mr. Right Now"...I wanted "Mr. Right...forever".

I always hate to recommend a church group...but you know my brother found the love of his life in a "Single Group" there. He is truly blessed to have this woman in his life.

Good Luck.

 

[the_traveler]

As someone who met, fell in love and married my 'rebound bride' I can tell you that those rarely work. The rate of divorce for second marriages is higher than for first and, the shorter the interval since the first divorce, the higher the failure rate.

My second marriage lasted for 2 years and then tanked. It wasn't her fault or mine; it was just a mistake.

Later I met my present wife when we both worked at a volunteer crisis center and we've been married for 25 years and raised our respective children to be happy successful adults.

 

[BourbonCowboy]

Later I met my present wife when we both worked at a volunteer crisis center and we've been married for 25 years and raised our respective children to be happy successful adults.

Now that's the kind of story I wanted to hear.


I'm in the same boat. I've been divorced for almost 12 years. I've dated a couple women seriously, but they turned into long-distance relationships and quickly disintegrated.

There's been some good advice posted so far. Don't rush into anything, and don't feel desperate. Being divorced isn't the end of the world - although you'll be treated as a second-class citizen. If you don't believe me, just file your taxes.

On the upside, I've thrown myself into my work, changed careers, completed my Master's degree, and am on the brink of completing my second one. So while my personal life has been in the tank, my professional life has really taken off.

Hopefully, we'll both be able to resume a normal social/dating life soon.

 

[Seneca]

...Hopefully, we'll both be able to resume a normal social/dating life soon.

Well at least you got a lot done on the educational part of your life ***high five*** good job. On the other hand...you are a darling looking man...you will find someone. Both of you will!

Good luck!

Sen

 

[the_traveler]

Well at least you got a lot done on the educational part of your life ***high five*** good job. On the other hand...you are a darling looking man...you will find someone. Both of you will!

Good luck!

Sen

OK, if you're going to hand out compliments, I may actually put my picture in my avatar.

 

[Seneca]

OK, if you're going to hand out compliments, I may actually put my picture in my avatar.

Well you look like a rooster:tongue:...you might want to put up your nice looking self. :biggrin:

 

[KristinB]

One word of caution - don't try too hard. Most of the relationships that seem to last the test of time are those that hit you when you least expect it. The harder you go looking for love, the less you're likely to find it. Often the person you meet and fall in love with, and they with you, are those you would never have thought you would share a bond with.

My final advice - don't be too picky. Take the other person as they are, not as you want them to be. Accept any faults they may have and expect them to do the same for you. Don't go out with any pre-conceived ideas (or a shopping list) of things you would like in a partner. Love is special. Love cannot be analysed. Or categorised.

Mike,

I concur wholeheartedly with the advice above. This is exactly what I advise my girlfriends who are in the same age range you are.

First of all, I have been happily married to my husband for twenty years now, and I never imagined that we would have ended up together when we first met. Neither did he. We weren't each other's "type" physically, nor did we have a lot in common as far as interests, and our backgrounds were completely different. But we became friends, and after we'd been friends for six months, we realized we'd fallen in love. Actually, we were scared to get involved, because we were worried about losing the friendship if the relationship went south. But I can definitely recommend being friends first. We got to know each other without playing any games, which made our relationship that much stronger, I think, in the long run.

And second of all, at this stage in your life, you are not going to meet someone who is going to change for you, any more than you are going to want to change for her. Remember that. You just have to make a decision that if someone doesn't behave the way you want them to in your relationship, you either accept it or leave. But you can't rely on the other person for your happiness.