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No Child Left Behind Football

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by BourbonCowboy, Jun 11, 2007.

  1. I got this in en email a while back, and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to share it with ya'll:

    The Federal government has announced that all high school football teams must meet "No Child Left Behind" legislation beginning next season.

    1. No team will be declared a winner, as that will leave 50% of participants behind.

    2. All high schools will be divided into districts with eight teams per district. Every team must finish at least 3rd place to be proficient.

    3. All teams must score at least 21 points, but no defense can allow more than 7 points.

    4. No tournaments will be held as this would result in one champion. This point was borrowed from the college BCS.

    5. All teams must make the state playoffs, and all will win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. In a recent experiment, the University of Arkansas basketball program modeled this theory.

    6. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions for interest in football, desire in athletics, genetic abilities or disabilities.... ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

    7. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own without instruction, because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes that aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability, and whose parents don't like football.

    8. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in 4th,
    8th, and 11th grades.

    9. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.
  2. Ghunger


    Apr 2, 2007
    Seattle, WA
    Lol, With a parent as a HS Vice Principal this really makes me laugh. Thanks :biggrin:
  3. billg71


    May 4, 2007
    Atlanta, GA
    ROFLMAO!!!!! :biggrin:

    All seriousness aside, it's a sad freaking world we're living in....... :frown:

    No winners, no losers.... Anyone read Orwells's "1984"?

    I think we finally got there....


  4. I was wondering if anyone recognized this...
  5. Finally, a succinct summary of NCLB, lol!
  6. lbhs_rwb


    Oct 16, 2006
    I'm in the middle of reading it for school right now :D 
  7. While a bit on the "How Absurd" side, I rather doubt the truth of this. Here is a Link to a Similar Email you may find of interest. Whenever I see something of this nature, my first inclination is to go check out the Urban legends sites, they generally pick up on this stuff fairly quickly and do very thorough research.

    Here Is a Link to the First item that pops up in a Google search. Note no mention of the Federal Gov't and that the author is Anonymous.

    Now, having said all of that, I absolutely agree with the last line and the idea of how utterly dangerous and absurd this whole notion is. And even with that said, I STILL like to sign "Kumbaya" around a campfire :wink:
  8. husawis

    husawis Guest

    The sad part of all of this is that the real result of NCLB is that No Child Gets Ahead. Is it any wonder when these kids get into the real world and, if they get jobs, that they do not understand the need to work? It would be simple minded to put all of the criticism on the current administration, but these inane programs are the direct result of ongoing educational programs hatched by educators who do not understand education. This along with a raw material deposited upon the steps of our schools that is already inferior will continue to assure that we, here in the US, will continue to enjoy a continuing slide to educational obscurity.

    Mark's words are funny but really sad. Because if you change the story line from footbal in the high school and take it to the workplace you will stop laughing really quickly. The thought of that attitude permeating the academy and the workplace greases the skids to our national demise.
  9. KrysiaG

    KrysiaG Guest

    LOL! Now that's funny!
  10. cali-kid


    May 26, 2007
    Houston, Texas
    I'm a teacher. This is very funny. :biggrin: Just like the "real?" NCLB. I bet the law makers and thier families never played football or went to a public school.

  11. You forgot one. And it's a doozy

    1) All players on a team will score at least 21 points in every game. Regardless of final score, if any players do not score their points the team will forfeit the game and be put on probation.

    I teach middle school and live this wonderful legislation every day. The original post is a bit over stated, but it does point out some of the many flaws with the idea.
  12. Hi all there
    I hope you are kidding! Even if my english isn't that good, I see there's "something" really weird in this kind of view... I couldn't agree at all with a such rule here! It looks even hypocritical in some way..
  13. lbhs_rwb


    Oct 16, 2006
    It seems like a few of you don't realize it's a joke...maybe i'm missing your sarcasm, but if you didn't realize that, it is.
  14. HappyFish


    Oct 19, 2006
    You shoud see what I see in a year. Parents that don`t parent. Kids that the very first moment that the smalest thing go wrong they up and say "I Can`t!!" long before they ever spent one moment of time or effort to help themselves. Don`t worry BABY big goverment will solve all your problems! Yea sure! I`m going to shut up now before I really get up on my soap box and start a major rant. As to "1984" I think I see the rat comming!
  15. Hi Micah
    I HOPED that was a joke! But sometimes laws are sillier than individuals.. ;) 
  16. lbhs_rwb


    Oct 16, 2006
    Yeah, its fun to look back at some old laws that your town has, they can often be something along the lines of:

    No hopping on your left foot on sundays, unless you're wearing a black top hat and are carrying a cat in your right hand. All hopping sessions are limited to 20 hops a minutes.
  17. Jaws


    Mar 27, 2007
    Columbia, MD
    LOL! This is hilarious!
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