OT: adoption: (personal) relevant update

Joined
Mar 23, 2007
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4,958
Location
Collecchio, northern Italy
Hi everyone

as many of you already know, I'm involved in an international adoption in Ethiopia. I wanted to share with you an update which is quite relevant and ask advices and prayers to help me decide for the better.

Very shortly, the problem is that I was waiting for a call to attend a sentence abroad assigning to me and my wife a boy abandoned at his birth. The whole file should have been closed within summer, more or less.
Now, the institution effectively called me today but the news was another. The mother showed up and now the tribunal has to stop everything until all is clear. It's not a matter of money at all (some poor people claim to be parents to get some injustified money), yet the whole file may be delayed by 6-12 months at best and we don't know what the judge will decide. The other option we have is leaving him and take another match as soon as the tribunal has one ready to offer us.

Now the boy we are already matched is very little and healthy. Actually, I'd be positive and proceed with the ongoing adoption, in the end my wife and me are very young and a few more months aren't that "bad" (considering it's just two years we started everything). Plus we could know more about the boy and face once for all the figure of his mother. Of course a new match would be reasonably faster and wouldn't have all this problems, yet there's a huge BUT.

My wife is very (extremely) sensitive to such things. While I can deal with them more easily, she's prone to a true shock whenever such things happen. The risk I can't take at all is waiting LONGER not to do anything, in the case the judge decides the boy is better with his natural mother. I don't know there, but here we should restart everything from scratch and this would be truly the last nail on the coffin for my wife which could have unexpected and dangerous behaviours. Thus - although with displeasure - I'm leaning toward saying goodbye to the boy which was already in our hearts and accepting the offer they will do. If you have any thought or prayers, they are welcome.

Thanks everyone for reading.
 
Joined
Mar 25, 2005
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12,515
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near Montreal, Canada
First off Dino, I admire you and your wife for doing something like this. You help to make the world a better place.
Now, just my personal thought: if you are already emotionally invested in this child, I would suggest that you "stay with him" for a while longer and see what happens. Even if the cost is several months more plus the risk that you may "lose" him.
I think that if you let him go now, that your hearts will catch up with you and haunt you with regrets. Plust think of the boy also. If at the end of the day his mother agrees with what is best, imagine his sense of abandonement.
These are just my personal thoughts Dino. I wish you and your wife the strength to come to the right decision and I hope that all will work out great for all concerned.
 
Joined
Apr 4, 2011
Messages
478
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Portland, OR
Hello, this is a very tough situation to find yourself! I don't have much to offer for advice other than I agree with Frits that you should consider waiting for the first boy. If it doesn't work out I believe you will still feel more regret if you don't wait and try for him.
I am an adopted child (from a much different circumstance of course), but thanks for doing what you are trying to do. All the best.
 
Joined
Mar 23, 2007
Messages
4,958
Location
Collecchio, northern Italy
Ciao Frits
could you expand a bit this? I'm not sure what you meant.

"If at the end of the day his mother agrees with what is best, imagine his sense of abandonement."

Keep in mind the boy has now 6 months and half.
Something I didn't mention was the comment someone of the institution did on-site (in Ethiopia, while calling our referent): "I think it's better they change". Now, while of course this is not a simple thing due to the obvious reason of emotional investment already done, strangely this way of thinking seems to have calmed a bit my wife who somehow "trusts" him. Although through a way I didn't expect, such statement could "help" our choice, whatever way we take, and the idea of the haunting boy behind our shoulders was something I was thinking of as well, yet this sentence could help her (who's the weaker here) to face the whole thing.
 
Joined
Sep 17, 2006
Messages
12,726
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Hamilton , New Zealand
I think that if you take someone else they will soon consume your life and you will be happy with them - investing more time and waiting for the first child could simply tax your emotions even more and you may suffer even more if it turns out you can't have them anyway .
 
Joined
Mar 23, 2007
Messages
4,958
Location
Collecchio, northern Italy
Actually I've already written back to accept their offer for a change, yet later on in a couple of hours I should be able to talk again with the referent of the institution to have further details

h. 18.00 update. The referent welcomed our decision with the promise to help and hurry as much as possible in having another match soon, maybe within the end of next week.
 
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