Passing on the Wisdom

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Jarrell, Jun 14, 2007.

  1. Jarrell

    Jarrell

    Feb 13, 2005
    Macon, Ga.
    My grandson graduated from high school and I've been thinking hard about what to get him for a present. I thought of money but knew that would be gone in 2 days. He has a car so that's out.
    So! I thought I'd give him something that was beyond value, something he could rely on through the ages, something like... well, my wisdom... things I've learned over the years. Things I wish someone had told me when I was his age for it would have saved me a lot of embarassing moments. Here they are,

    In General:

    1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

    2. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

    3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

    4. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
    considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home



    When DINING OUT:

    Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not
    have dogs.



    When ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:

    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
    taxidermist.

    2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners
    are.



    PERSONAL HYGIENE:

    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
    done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

    2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However,
    if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.



    DATING (Outside the Family):

    1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

    2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
    out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

    3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say
    10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the
    man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

    4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, ya
    sure don't sweat much for a fat girl."



    Regarding WEDDINGS:

    1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

    2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

    3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and
    a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

    4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
    occasion.



    DRIVING ETIQUETTE:

    1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded,
    and the deer is in sight.

    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
    always has the right of way.

    3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

    4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
    ask her to bring back beer.

    5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

    6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.


    There now, that should do it.
    Jarrell
     
  2. Rick727

    Rick727

    149
    Jun 1, 2007
    Hamilton, NJ
    Sure wish you would have posted this last week. I could have saved myself a lot of money on my daughters graduation gift.:biggrin:
     
  3. What, nothing about taking photos? :confused: Like the one about taking closeups of the bride with longer lens otherwise she might faint because of your bad breath?

    Lucky guy, your grandson! :smile:
     
  4. Gale

    Gale

    978
    Jan 26, 2005
    Viera Fl
    Excellent advise fo sure.
    You hand wrote this and framed , correct.
    Would be tacky on a coaker sack, ya know
     
  5. LOL. This is great and I'll be passing this on to my next generation.
     
  6. bobarue

    bobarue

    434
    Aug 9, 2005
    Louisiana
    Funny stuff here. Thanks for sharing.
     
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