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please help with my bad english..

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Flyfishdk, Sep 9, 2008.

  1. Flyfishdk

    Flyfishdk

    515
    Nov 1, 2006
    Denmark
    Hi all

    I'm in a process of making a book about my long stays in Hanoi, Vietnam and have made a text I would like to put in. As you can se my english is not very good and I would like to ask you to look on the text and give me some feedback and corrections. I hope you will help me.

    thanks in advance... :) 

    here are the text:

    Hanoi took my heart within the first 10 minutes I was there.
    The noise, the dirt and all the caos should have made me hate the place...
    But I fell in love with this heartbeating city where people live and
    developementis running like a highspeed train with out a driver.....

    Developement is a good thing, people get higher livingstandards, better
    education, healthcare and all the good things development is coming with,
    but there is some troubles... Normal familylifes where diffrent generations live together is broken, the traditions and culture is forgotten and the focus movesis on material things like cellphones, labtops or a big motobike increase and take peoples focus

    I can't stop this.. and I have no intetions to do that, because I understand thatpeople will like to have better lifes where they can reach the goals of a better life, more comftable and secure than the life they often have.. that what humans have done since we where placed on earth.

    What about this book then? I can show and document the life in Hanoi
    as it is/was in 2008, so future generationsn can see how their city was like and still feel that they have a connection to there past, that is my goal...Big, but that is what I aim for....

    I hope you will enjoy my story there starts in the early morning, run through theday and ends in the late night in this fantastic city..

    Nicolai Brix
     
  2. Fixed some spellings and grammer :)  hope it helps.....
     
  3. Bolts

    Bolts

    May 7, 2007
    Tampa, Florida
    I might be old school, but sentences should end in a period, just one period. For thread posts and such, an ellipse (...) seems to be accepted these days, but for permanent writings, a period should end 99% of your sentences.
     
  4. Good luck with the book.

    I've taken the liberty of re-writing it a bit so it sounds more natural in English. Hope you don't mind.

    The noise, the dirt and the chaos should have made me hate Hanoi, but I fell in love with this pulsating city within ten minutes of my arrival. This is a place that throbs with life, and where development has breathtaking pace and momentum.

    Development is a good thing - it leads to higher living standards, better
    education and improved healthcare, but changes also bring new challenges. Traditions and culture can be forgotten as people focus on material things like cellphones, laptops or a big motorbike, and the family becomes less important as generations no longer live together.

    I can't stop this, and I have no desire to. I understand that people will strive to have more comfortable and secure lives for themselves and their children; that is what humans have done since we where placed on the earth.

    This book documents life in Hanoi in 2008, so future generationsn can see what their city was like and feel that they have a connection to their past.

    I hope you will enjoy my story that starts in the early morning, runs through the day and ends in the late night in this fantastic city.
     
  5. Flyfishdk

    Flyfishdk

    515
    Nov 1, 2006
    Denmark
    Hi all

    Thanks...Thats why I really enjoy the cafe... I ask for help and people help...

    Northen Soul: that is just as I wanted... I have the first danish drafts and I tried to get exactly the result you have made... but my translation was very poor...

    THANKS!!!
     
  6. Bolts

    Bolts

    May 7, 2007
    Tampa, Florida
    Nice first post, N. Soul! That's an perfect A+ in my book. Welcome to the Cafe!

    Good luck with your book, Nico!
     
  7. Seneca

    Seneca

    Dec 4, 2006
    Texas!
    I too changed it up a bit. Hope that's ok...

    Nico - all the best to you...

    Here is my draft.


    Hanoi took my heart within the first 10 minutes I was there. The sound of the noise, the feel of the dirt and the chaos alone should have raised red flags, red flags that should have alerted me to hate the place. However, it did not; instead, I fell in love with this heart pounding city where people live and business developments running like a high-speed train without its driver.

    New developments are not only a good thing, but also great for people get trying to achieve higher living standards, better education, and healthcare.

    I must also add that these good and great things can bring families out of focus with their traditional values. When normal family life starts focusing on material things such as cell phones, laptops, and motorbikes then family generation traditions are somewhat broken due to these interruptions.

    I suppose it hard to stop modern living because people enjoy the better things in life, they can also try and achieve their goals, isn’t this what humans have been doing throughout civilization?

    My book is intended to document life in Hanoi; as it was and how I perceive it going forward. My goal and purpose is so future generations can see how the city was in yester-years and how they can connect to the past.

    I hope you will enjoy my story it beings in the early morning, run through the day and ends in the late night in this truly fantastic city…Hanoi.
     
  8. Spotted a typo of my own (bold is correct) :redface:

    Flyfishdk - you're welcome - your english is comfortably better than my Danish :)  The pictures on your website look fab.
     
  9. KayB

    KayB

    Aug 17, 2007
    Puyallup, WA
    Here's my version! This is fun seeing the various versions our cafe' members are coming up with! Good luck!

    The noise. The dirt. All the caos should have made me hate the place, but Hanoi captured my heart within the first 10 minutes of my arrival.

    I fell in love with this fast paced city where people live and
    developements run like a highspeed train without a driver.

    Developement can be a good thing when people achieve higher standards of living, better education, improved healthcare, and all the good things that come with development. But development can also create problems.

    Traditions and culture can be forgotten; replaced by material things such as cellphones, laptop computers or a big motobikes. Entertainment grabs the focus of the people. Where once extended families lived together, you now find them apart.

    I can't stop this and I have no intention of trying. I understand that people want to have better lives. Lives where they can reach their goals for a better life; more comfortable and secure than they have now. That is what humans have strived for since the dawn of time.

    What about this book, then? I want to show and document life in Hanoi
    as it is in 2008 so future generations can see what their city was like and create a connection to their past. That is my goal...it is a big one, but that is what I am going to attempt to accomplish in the book.

    I hope you will enjoy this story that begins in the early morning, runs through the day, and ends in the late night of this fantastic city.
     
  10. billg71

    billg71

    715
    May 4, 2007
    Atlanta, GA
    Nicolai,

    Although it's been many, many years since I went into proofreader mode(a former occupation), I've enjoyed marking up your text even though I can't find my red pen. I guess bold, italics and font color will have to do..... Red corrections are for spelling and grammar, blue is where the context/meaning doesn't come across, at least in American English.

    It sounds like a fascinating story, very similar to what we went through here in the States in the early-to-mid 20th century. Please let me know when it's published and where I can purchase a copy. Fell free to PM or email me if you have any questions or if I can be of more help.

    Congrats on your book, :biggrin:
    Bill
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 9, 2008
  11. Flyfishdk

    Flyfishdk

    515
    Nov 1, 2006
    Denmark
    Hi all

    Thanks again... I'm really pleased that so many people want to help a stupid Dane.

    Maybe I should tell a little about the project. I have made the a series of pictures in Hanoi. I have been there 3 month in the last year. It show the life in the streets. My plan is to publish a book. but photobooks in Denmark is not easy to get published. but I have got 2 appointments next month with publishers. I think I have to show them the project and have made a one off book using the service "blurb.com" Then they can see the book and maybe see the potential in the project.

    Bill: I can send you a link to the book on blurb and then you can order it from there if you want.
     
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