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Rude comments

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Cleo68, Jul 22, 2008.

  1. Cleo68


    Jul 7, 2008
    Bedford, MA
    Though I love my Dad, he always manages to get on my nerves. He was visiting with his wife last week and after I took some pictures of them and the boys at the pool, I wanted them to see. So he says, "Oh, I don't want to see them. They're all the same anyway."

    I put a lot of thought into my pics so our family can share memories (my parents are in NJ and FL, and my in-laws are in England!). I know he just thinks it's a dumb hobby and I do too much of it. Guess I just hoped now that I'm seriously looking into doing some work in it, albeit assisting, that he'd take it a bit more seriously.

    Oh, he also asked if I could crop my husband out of the pics, but that's an entirely different topic and I won't bore you with it here. :mad:  The nerve.
  2. JMontes


    Jun 22, 2007
    Edgartown, MA
    I have a different opinion than most. My opinion is "just because they are family doesn't mean you have to tolerate them or even be around them". Tell him how you feel....unless of course you are getting a HUGE inheretance from him :biggrin:
  3. Cleo68


    Jul 7, 2008
    Bedford, MA
    No - we've been through this stuff a million times. I lived close to him a year and a half ago and we literally had to move because of him. It was intolerable. He took my oldest in the car with no carseat after I'd told him that was a huge no-no (like I should even have to tell him that). He also was "helping" us financially when we had a house we couldn't afford and drained us out of every penny. So here we are in NC about to lose this house due to the PMI and our rate -- because all the money we would've had to put down was gone. See - long story. But I guess it's just typical of the way he acts.
  4. Everyone has their opinions. You valuing your photography and him being apathetic to it are the same thing - opinions. Say that he made art with green beans in the backyard where he assembled 5 green beans into circles. He could claim its modern art that took a lot of thought - but you might say its ridiculous. It's obviously hard because it's your Dad being dismissive - but sometimes it is what it is. You just have to do your thing and let him do his. Can't change a person - just yourself. With all that said though - don't give up because of his attitude - and don't ditch the camera at gatherings. You will always look back and "wish" that you had continued taking pictures for the memories if you do - so soldier on and fight the good fight.

    Edit: I just looked at some of your pics - you have a good compositional eye and a bunch of nice shots. Keep up the good work.
  5. Carole


    Jun 15, 2008
    Bellingham, WA
    If it's any consolation, Cleo, I know where you are coming from. Everyone told me to ignore my father, but the comments did hurt and it took me YEARS to get over it all (and a damn good therapist). As someone else said, you don't have to be around them, even an inheritance isn't worth it.

    And you always have us to talk to about your photography :) )) A lot of my friends don't understand my photography either, but at least they are supportive :) 

  6. I had an event this past weekend where I was the main photographer. My uncle was there as a sponsor. As I was chatting with potential clients holding my gear, he comes up and says, "Are you sure you know how to use that?" Irritated the heck out of me, but ignored the comment and continued as if he never said anything.

    Brush it off, IMO. You're better than that.
  7. Cleo68


    Jul 7, 2008
    Bedford, MA
    Thanks Tim and Carole. Funny enough - even at age 40 - my Dad can get the best of me. Old habits die hard I suppose. I don't expect everyone to accept my photography habit all the time, but I find it funny that when they were here, I took about 1/8th of the pictures I took when my Stepfather visited because I knew I'd take a lot of crap for it. My Stepfather, on the other hand, was photographed to death and didn't bat an eye. I just hope my Dad "gets" it before it's too late... These things in life are important. We've had so many talks, but he's just too set in his ways. He's not a bad person. I know he's got a big heart. He just is very stubborn and opinionated.
  8. kiwi


    Jan 1, 2008
    Auckland, NZ
    I too take a great deal of care and time taking pics of my kids predominantly to show to their extended family back home in New Zealand. Some look, some don't. I used to get upset with those that don't thinking they just don't care

    But, what I have realised is that they do care but some people like looking at pics, some don't, simple as that
  9. Cleo68


    Jul 7, 2008
    Bedford, MA
    This is true - but I have to wonder how fast they'd start asking when the pictures stop coming... My in-laws, on the other hand, view the pictures at least twice a week, which is why I started doing this so much in the first place. They love to see their grandkids.
  10. Dr A

    Dr A

    Feb 2, 2008
    State College, PA
    I get rude comments quite often, but sometimes the most disappointing comment is no comment at all. For example, I tell my Mom - "Hey mom check my pics I just posted some of your grandson - what do you think?" A couple days go by and I call her back and ask her if she looked at them., which she did, but all she will say is that she did see them.

    You refer to photography as your hobby. YOUR hobby. As long as you are taking pictures that are pleasing to you, to Hell with everyone else!
  11. Cleo68


    Jul 7, 2008
    Bedford, MA
    Yeah - I guess if it was anyone else except my Father or Mother I would just brush it off. But it still cuts like a knife coming from him. Once you've had these things going on since early childhood, it's sometimes tough to get them out of your system.
  12. Hate to say this....but my thoughts are you can choose your friends.... your family your stuck with :wink:
  13. dan1son


    Sep 24, 2007
    Hobbies and professions are like that. Some people just won't 'get it.' In a switch of roles, my father gets my photography (he's a photographer as his second job) but my wife doesn't. She likes having the pictures simply for the memory sake and couldn't care less if they're, what I consider, good finished images. She's just as happy looking at sloppy pictures her family took on their P&S as she is with mine. She constantly grabs my laptop when I close the lid to look at "ALL" of the pictures I took instead of waiting until I dub them worthy. Once she sees them in their original unprocessed look she has no interest in looking at them again, unless of course I print them.

    It bothers me a lot more than she knows. I've all but stopped taking a bunch of pictures at events when I'm with her now. And when I do I'm not nearly as into it as I was when I first got the camera not even a year ago. I'll take pictures just to have evidence as opposed to getting nice well thought and executed out shots.

    Fortunately, as mentioned, there are people here that seem genuinely interested in what I do. Maybe I'll have a real talk with my wife about it one of these days and see if I can get her to come around on the whole thing. I really like shooting film... and she REALLY doesn't get that :) .
  14. Ricardo


    Feb 7, 2006
    I have a friend who once said that he doesn't like pictures of himself because he'd never seen a picture of him that looked as good as he knew he actually looked :biggrin:

    Although most won't admit it, I think that there are a lot of people that really feel the same way. Pictures remind them that they are getting older and don't look as "good" as they used to. (or thought that they did :wink: ) And it's not the same as looking into a mirror were the image is live and a smile or change of angle can help.

    It could be that your father fits into that category but he didn't have to be rude about it
  15. Dr A

    Dr A

    Feb 2, 2008
    State College, PA
    I hate getting my picture taken, so this might be the most genius sentence I've read all day long. Will use this for sure!
  16. Seneca


    Dec 4, 2006
    Gosh I can soooooooooo relate to this. My mother (bless her heart)...and don't get me wrong (I love her dearly)...but growing up, I was never encouraged to be the best I could be, I was never told that whatever I wanted to do was up to me and my hard work. I suppose it was her becoming a mother very early in life...she had my sister at 16 and me at 19. Well fast forward today...whenever I try to show her images of the family, she seems to be too busy or she'll say "You took that many?". I am always like "What the hell??!?!". Or I'll e-mail her images...and like you Dr. A. I'll ask if she saw them..."yeah I saw them - thanks".

    I love mom...but she isn't my biggest fan.
  17. Dr A

    Dr A

    Feb 2, 2008
    State College, PA
    At leaset you got a thanks, Sen! Usually that spot is occupied by awkward silence. I love my Mom, though, wouldn't trade her for any other mom anywhere ever!
  18. Well

    I'm sorry Cleo. I know he is your father, but he sounds like a piece of work to me. I would never brush off any of my children's endeavers in such a miniscule fashion.

    I would possibly joke with them about cutting someone out of a picture.. but if he wasn't joking.. then that is another matter.

    He should have gained enough knowledge at his age to know that what he may feel is unimportant may be very important to someone else. You asking him to look at your photos should indicate to him that you want him to see something you have accomplished. Something that you are very proud of.

    Sometimes, people just get grumpy when they get older. Maybe he is one of those people?

    Either way, as long as you enjoy photography, should it really matter if he doesn't enjoy your photography with you? It wouldn't to me.



  19. PatS45

    PatS45 Guest

    A litte story that this thread reminded me of:

    So… A wonderful photographer and his new bride are invited to his new inlaws for dinner… the MIL looks at some of his photography work and says, “These pictures just are beautiful…..MY, you must have a WONDERFUL camera!!!”

    After the meal, the son in law was pleasantly full. He turns to his MIL and says “… that was a delicious meal, you must have some EXCELLENT pots and pans!!!”

  20. well...
    i suppose that YOUR words have made me want to comment here
    my dad is the one who got me into this "passion" by giving me his old nikkormat FTn many years ago
    but, my wife couldn't care less about "encouraging" me in my hobby at this point

    that is nothing compared to her usual response when i'm playing the piano...
    "could you please play softer... we're trying to watch television."

    she isn't kidding
    and.... by the way... i've played since age 4 (and, i'm 45).... i'm pretty good
    so.... it isn't as if my music is "HURTING" her ears... :redface:

    i'd go on with THIS line of thought.... but, i'd get even more nauseous than those of you who are reading this
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