self **PLUS PAINTINGS**

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stressed,tired
 
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OMG, is that a wig?

Interesting crop... typical Laura pushing envelopes and twisting rules.

LATER EDIT

Normally one would suggest more room to the left of the frame and cropping out the dark space behind you but here the darkness represents the weight bearing down on your life. The weight that compelled you to capture this moment.

You are indeed a very special individual and I'm proud to say I have met you. You can be found in your images.
 
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M

Marina

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Overall i love the shot, but for some reason i feel like focusing on the eyes makes my head spin. May be, just may be, her eyes look too soft ?
 
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  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
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thanks very very much for the responses!
it's soft because i am too lazy to properly do a self portrait, although one day i might, so it kept focusing on my bangs instead of my eyes. haha. but i thought the window light was pretty.

this is interesting because i just made a painting two days ago and i noticed how it was more hopeful/put together than a painting i had made earlier this year which had been a big conglomeration of not so good moods: rage, depression, suicidal thought, jealousy, hopelessness.
this is the earlier painting, 2008 Part 1:
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Very different than my typical style because I like things to flow and fit together just so and this was just pieced together whenever a mood struck me and things are just kind of here and there and no necessarily fitting but i think it still works as a whole. I would never paint something like this if I was trying to make a painting, but I just let my moods take hold of the brush and let out my energy/angst.
This is the one I painted a couple days ago, 2008 Part 2:
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Looking at it after I had painted it was nice because I realized that I had been through a much better period than I had in the beginning of the year and that things had been more hopeful and happy and on track. I was thinking about the future in a good light instead of thinking of suicide everyday. It has been great. But right after that things have been crashing for the past couple of days which is why I took the self portrait.
 
N

Nuteshack

Guest
i'm struggling to find the right words for u, Laura. but i feel compelled to speak from my own experience. you'd be surprised how many of us deal or have dealt with the same struggle...fear/hopelessness can be a hard demon to shake. many manage it, but few find real deliverance from it's evil grip.

i'm 51 now. just one month shy of my 22nd birthday, the first sat of feb 1979 i had determined to be the last day of my painful existance. i had set my affairs in order the best i could and then partied down. about 48 hours worth, non stop. ironic, i had enough drugs and alcohol in me to put down a horse but it didn't work. so, plan b. get in my car, drive home (about an hour away) and blow my head off. however, on the way to my car i had some "pause". i stopped and said to myself "what about God?" then i said "na, too many gods out there, no time to waste ona pipe dream. but, if i only knew his name, maybe He would hear me". what followed was absolutely the worst moment of my life. hopelessness like 10x worse than i had ever experienced. i was at the bottom of the bottom. words can't describe the utter darkness! and then God came through for me. Holy Spirit spoke to me, He called me by my name "Mark". that word stopped me in my tracks, it sobered me right on the spot. it went through my whole being. needless to say, He had my attention. then He said this and only this -> "Jesus Christ is God" WOW! at that very moment the gospel finally made sense to me. and without even knowing how to pray i responded with this "Jesus, i NEED you". waves of LOVE hit me one after another, each wave more intense than the preceding! this went on for weeks. my life has been changed forever! joy beyond description, full of glory!

just one man's experience
bless
:Love:
 
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Oh dear Laura, this makes me sad. I just lost a son to depression and felt so helpless in the whole process. I have been a happy person all my life so it is difficult to relate to what you are feeling or have felt. I wish I had some good words of advice but obviously I do not. Just know this, you have everything to live for, surround yourself with good friends and get professional help when you feel down. You are loved by many and most important you are a child of God.
 
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:frown: Wow... I can honestly say that I have never seen this in your previous captures. If anything, the style of some of your captures, such as the ones of your boyfriend, would have said the opposite to me. I envisioned a creative but playful spirit. As someone who has never dealt with such issues, I consider myself lucky, it is hard to imagine such sadness that would make Nute, Gordon's son, and yourself attempt or even consider suicide. My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best.

Nute/Gordon - For those struggling with similar issues, thanks for sharing your stories.

By the way, I really enjoyed those paintings. Very unique... like yourself.
 
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Been there Laura, just wanted to say you're gorgeous and very talented. Maybe we could even meet one day since I'm moving to N.C soon, it would be a pleasure.
 
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