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Way off topic but priceless...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Rich Gibson, May 20, 2005.

  1. I'm a government worker here in Washington DC and just got one of those "pass around" emails. Thought I'd share it:

    Date: Thursday, May 19, 2005 9:47 AM
    Subject: Federal Government Employee Performance Evaluations

    For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation - just remember, it
    could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from Federal
    Government employee performance evaluations.

    1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
    2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
    3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
    4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
    5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
    6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
    7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
    8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
    9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
    10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
    11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
    12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
    15. "He's been working with glue too much."
    16. "He would argue with a signpost."
    17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
    18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
    19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
    20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
    21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
    22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
    23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
    24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
    25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
    26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
    27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
    28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
    29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
    30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
    31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch ' 60-minutes.' "
    32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
  2. Rich, what a great collection of sacrcasm at its best. :)  Thanks for sharing.
  3. GaryW

    GaryW Guest

    Those are hilarious, Rich.

    But, sadly, I resemble some of those comments.

  4. OK...

    Where are 13 & 14? :) 
  5. Good question.

    I'm "11" BTW.
  6. Rich;

    Those are priceless. Thanks for sharing them.

  7. AndyWoodward

    AndyWoodward Guest

    Excellent Rich, very good.

    I can certainly relate to 19, especially when my wife's friends come round and I mention the words "Camera" or "Photgraphs"! :lol:

  8. I wish I had this list when doing annual evaluations. I could have perfected it to the point that I would just put down a number and everyone besides #11 would get it. Funny :lol: :lol:
  9. Gordon,

    Funny indeed, but you know what? There would always be one guy (perhaps our #11) laughing real hard at one of your numbered evaluations, saying: "oh, that's a good one, never heard that one, before!" ;-) :shock: :roll: :lol:

    Thanks Rich, there are some priceless gems in that list! :p 
  10. Chris101


    Feb 2, 2005
    33. "Constantly pushes on doors clearly marked 'pull'."
  11. Love #25!!!! *LOL*
  12. gho


    Feb 7, 2005
    That's not quite me... I've only got one brain cell, and lost it when I sneezed just now.
  13. patrickh


    May 4, 2005
    Thousand Oaks
    Hilarious - thanks

    Unfortunately here in CA any one of these comments (except perhaps #11) would be the subject of an immediate lawsuit for something.
  14. gho


    Feb 7, 2005
    Re: Hilarious - thanks

    Doh!!! I get it 1 gross = 144! Toldya I'm slow.
  15. Rich,

    Those are hilarious, I am still laughing as I type.

    My wife will like these.
  16. I love it Rich. Thanks for the chuckles.
  17. Absolutely Brilliant.

    I hope you do not mind but these are about to be circulated in the UK. Sent to employees in our National Health Service- Local Government Dept and Orange Telecommunications.

    BW. Bob F.
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